wooo! this is where i live. o how we *love* getting swamped by visitors. no, really. well....ok apart from obnoxiously stupid americans (no offence to americans, it just seems that a large proportion of your country are morons. i mean...look at your president) and the fact that if you need to run into town to get a loaf of bread, you find yourself in a queue the size of a UN aid kitchen, and thats when you've managed to fight your way through the people, until you want to beat them with sticks.
as for my view on the euro? its good. stuart is an idiot, and my dad got food poisoning in his stupid restaurant. he is a silly tory twat, don't listen to him. i think its nice that llan has chosen to open itself up to visitors, the gesture was meant to be friendly in cultural terms, not a bloody political statement. although *some* people are making such a fuss it is turning into one.

and what was i saying about UN aid? looks like there's not nearly enough of it going round. i wish people with influence would do something. reading news like this makes me feel appalling greedy for getting so annoyed about a small local issue. humans truly are a horrible race sometimes. most of the time.

i think, having got the idea from a few sites, that i might keep myelf a mood diary, even if its just a few words. i think this will help with making my mind a lot clearer and hopefully make it easier to explain stuff to my doctor, because whenever i go, my mind gets couldier than normal. and of what i do manage to describe to her, and how i'm feeling she just listens to what she wants to. i know doctors are trained, and they know what they're doing, but i'm not stupid. does anyone else get annoyed with patronising doctors?
i mean: i'm 19 -an adult in the eyes of the law, and sure i might not have grown up completely yet, but i'm pretty mature (most of the time anyway...) for my age, i'm reasonably intelligent. why doesn't my doctor take me seriously? its so frustrating.
what she doesn't want to hear, she doesn't want to hear. and there is no way i get get through to her. vaguesness does not help me. when she's with my mum (52) she's fine, kind and respectful. now tell me that *that* is fair, and i will eat my new fuscia pink summer hat and orange flip flops. don't get me wrong, i want my mum to have respect -she deserves it more that she gets, but i would just like my doctor to at least try and help me, i feel like i'm going mad here

while tidying my room last night, i set my curtains on fire. which was fun. luckily non of my clothes spontaneously decided to join in, but my room still smells slightly of toxic fumes, which is always nice.

apart from the suspiciously hangover like headache which it gave me, i'm feeling pretty good. maybe these new antidepressants are working. i don't feel stupidly high (the result of which might be found somewhere in the deadly archives) or stupidy low (ditto). just right.

if you've ever tried uncle ben's fantastic 2 mintue express fried rice, then you'll know what i'm taking about. if not, go eat some! its luverly. and so....express.

o, and THIS makes me angry too. stupid, hypocritical woman. what do i care that she's had strokes? how can she honour their bloody deaths, and the living hell of the survivors, when she sent them to their deaths for nothing more noble than a stupid rock, surrounded by a cold grey sea, that some poor country that we've probably explioted enough anyway wanted instead.

i want to rail against something, anything. i am irritable with everyone and everything, no matter how hard i try not to be. i want to kick the dog, and shout at my nanna. and its all this stupid impotent rage that is inside me. rage that something stupid like a tickley nose can bring out. and its all for no reason. its not rage against the dying of the light, the plight of third world countries, or inherant homophobia and racism. no, its just there for no reason. and gah! and then after that? what, maybe worse, down and down until it hurts right deep inside and all you want to do is crawl into bed. or maybe joyless euphoria. happy, but with absolutely no fucking reason -calm or satisfied yes, but not so wonderfully happy as if you've found the key to eden. uselessly creative without making anything. and that makes me angry too. i want to sleep.

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firstly: happy birthday to me! for 2 days ago
and also: happy birthday to my nanna who is a momentus 80 today! yey!
she's having a big party, although i'm not sure she knows quite how big. well, she will once they start arriving anyway *grin*
music of the moment? kylie: *confide in me* and *wild rose* (duet with the lovely nick cave) and sigur ros *Ágætis Byrjun*. i don't understand a word of the latter, but its very chilling. just what the doctor ordered to cope with 40+ of my relatives roaming around the house and lots of kids. screaming and dribbling probaby. excuse me while i go lock myself in my room.....

i'm gad to hear it! whew!